Parents Embracing Change: Celebrating and Mourning the End of Childhood

Welcome back to Landing Imperfect! In today's episode, We dive deep into the emotional roller coaster of my son turning 18. As many parents know, this significant milestone brings a mix of pride, nostalgia, and a sense of letting go. If you are in a similar place trying to navigate your child entering adulthood then know that you're not alone, and your feelings are valid. Whether you're approaching this life change or reflecting on your own experience, this episode offers comfort, support, and some practical tips to help you cope. Join me as we explore the bittersweet journey from childhood to adulthood.

00:00 Bittersweet Transition to Adulthood

05:12 Emotional Pre-Graduation Reflections

09:31 Navigating Emotional Highs and Lows

12:20 Relaxation and Energy Recovery Tips

15:35 Navigating Parenthood Transitions

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Transcript

0:00

I get to the gym. I'm sitting in the parking lot. And then I start looking at pictures and I'm sobbing. I'm like, there is no way I'm going to be able to work out. So what do I end up doing? I called my mom. I called my mom. She answers and I'm just crying. I'm like ma. I'm like, I'm so emotional. I can not believe that my baby is turning 18 Okay guys. So my son just turned 18 years old. I am a mother to an adult child, and I don't know how that happened, but I feel like it went by so incredibly fast. And I know it's one of those things, when you're in it, like, you just feel like it's in a blink of an eye, but when you're going through. The thick of it when they're little. they're incredibly dependent on you. It feels like it's never going to end, you know, like you just along for those days where you have more time for yourself, and I'm so grateful for those times now, because it was a lot of work going through all that, but, oh my gosh. This week has been an emotional roller coaster. And I can't, I don't even know if I can put into words the way that it feels, but. I started the week out. It was Thursday last week where that's, when I started just kind of randomly crying about things that didn't have to do with my son. And I was like, what is going on? Like, why am I just feeling so much emotion and so sensitive to things? I, I literally thought I was going crazy. I'm like, I don't, I don't know what's going on with me. And then finally it was days later. I realized. Like, oh my gosh. I really think that the way that I'm responding to things is just this emotional buildup to my son, turning 18. And it, I mean, I was literally crying in public. And cry it all over the place. And that's not like me. I, I'm not just crying all the time or I am a little bit more of a sensitive person, but not to that extreme. And I was. Just. Literally, I felt like I did not have my emotions under control. And. I'm like, okay, so something's going on here? And then I put it together. My son's turning 18. The last time I felt like that was when he was 16. And before that I didn't really feel. Those intense emotions of sadness and I don't even know if sadness is the correct word for it because I'm so happy for all the years that him and I have had together. I mean, 18, that, that is a blessing. To have all that time. Cause it doesn't escape me that. There are so many people who don't have this opportunity and. I am so proud of him and I want to acknowledge the excitement I have for his future. Andy. I am just so happy for him. But. At the same time. I'm just experiencing all of these other emotions where I'm looking back to when he was a baby and I'm reminiscing over all these times and I'm wanting to know what his favorite childhood memories were. And. Just the fact that he's going to be an adult and I'm losing control over that, I think is the thing that has really hit home to me because I mean, I'm even using examples of. You know, if he goes to the doctors, I have to have permission now for him to let me know what's going on. I can't just get that information, which is wild to me. I'm like, because that's my baby. I should be able to know everything about him for the rest of his life. I gave him life. So I should just have all that information forever and ever, and ever. But that's not the way the world works. I understand. But the last time I felt like this was when he was 16. And when he started driving at 15 and a half, I was all for him being on the road. I'm like, you need to drive as much as possible. It was almost annoying to him, how much I was wanting him to drive. And then a week before he got his license, I was an emotional disaster at that time, too. I'm just, I was crying all the time. And I'm like, what is going on? I even asked my husband, I was like, I need a hug. And I don't just ask him for hugs when I'm crying. I usually want to be by myself. But I'm like, I just didn't need a hug and he's like, what is going on? And then he's like, you know, I really think that it's, you. Losing control because when he was driving, I was in the car. So I knew what was going on. I had more control over that, but when he's on his own, I have no control over that. Like he is leaving my site. He's on the streets. Out there by himself. You know, like in total control over what's going on. And I have very little control over that. And I just have a hard time with those transitions. Like most parents have. But I feel like we don't talk about it very much. So I'm noticing that now this is a pattern for me. So I was crying a week before he turned 16. I'm crying a week before. He turned 18. I need to take some time off of work. I think a few days before his graduation. Because it is so hard to work when you're going through things yourself. And I'm trying to keep it together. Focus on work, take care of other people. And I'm like going through my whole thing, like this personal issue on the other side where I'm just a mess and I'm like, oh my goodness. I need to make sure that I'm taking time off before he graduates. And then again, I need to take even more time off when I sent him off to school, because we just filled out his application for his apartment. At college this past week too. Like all of the, all of these things are adding up in one week Like he's turning 18 or filling out an application for his apartment. And then even during church, we were talking about raising kids and I'm like, how is all of this stuff aligning? I apparently I needed to hear all of it or to go through all of this. Because. Well, I don't even know why because, but it just was all going down and it was a lot for me. But anyhow, so I'm, I'm taking days off. So, I guess my whole. The whole thing I wanted to talk about today is. Number one, I have so much compassion for any other parent. Who's going through this right now, because this is a huge life change. And I feel like as. As parents, we don't hear enough about how to manage this time. And I think. As well that some people kind of look down on you, like, what, why are you acting like they're dying? Like, why are you acting like this is a terrible thing that's happening and it's not that it's just. It's hard to let go. And it's hard to lose that control over someone that you've had control over for 18 years and them getting their independence and you trying to step back and navigate. That is not an easy transition as a parent. It's a very hard, difficult thing to do. And I feel like we don't talk about that enough. At least I haven't been in conversations much about that. And I was actually caught off guard by the emotions that I was experiencing this past week. So I hadn't even got up. It was Tuesday. It was the day before his birthday. And I got up to go to the gym to try to somewhat stick to this routine that has been completely off. And I was like, okay, I got up, I'm making it happen. I get to the gym. I'm sitting in the parking lot. And then I start looking at pictures and I'm sobbing. I'm like, there is no way I'm going to be able to work out. So what do I end up doing? I called my mom. I called my mom. She answers and I'm just crying. I'm like ma. I'm like, I'm so emotional. I can not believe that my baby is turning 18. And then we ended up talking about him. She's, you know, sending me pictures of him as a baby and all the things, and we're just talking and. Remembering him through all the different seasons of his life so far. for the next hour, we were just talking about all these things. So I guess that also goes to show that I'm almost 40 and I still need my mom. So I'm really, really crossing my fingers and hoping that throughout this life change. That even though my son is an adult, he's always going to need his mama. That is my prayer. So pray for me. And I'll pray for you because our babies need us. So anyhow, the emotions are all over the place. And. If you find yourself in this position, And then what I will say is the first few days before I really realized what was going on, but I was emotional I was also being very hard on myself because my routine was off. So I like to get up early and I like to read, and I like to go to the gym and I wasn't able to do those things because I just was emotionally drained and I needed to sleep and I knew I needed to sleep. But I was being hard on myself about it. I'm like, what is wrong? Like my whole routine is kind of getting thrown off. So once I had the awareness of kind of what was going on. I was like, okay, number one, I need some self-compassion right now, because this is a huge life transition. Number two, the things that I was doing before, even the breath work, I'm like, why can't I even just do the breath work? And someone brought it to my attention. Well, because it's work like your, your body needs to rest and to recover right now. So it doesn't need to be working any harder than it already is because it's requiring a lot of energy from me to have these highs and these lows, a lot of excitement and then a little bit of a drop because I'm so sad. I'm losing my baby, because my baby is an adult now, you know, so. Anyways, the highs and lows requires so much energy. I was just exhausted. So having self-compassion for yourself is so important during those times. So your schedule is going to be different, like your routine is going to be thrown off, so it's okay. To rest sleeping, you know, go to bed early and then trying to do things for yourself too. So. Some of the things that I was trying to do, I wasn't going to the gym, even though I'm starting to crave, wanting to go back to the gym now. But I'm still having trouble getting there because once my routine is off and I think that's another reason why I don't like when my routine is thrown off, because it takes me awhile to kind of get back into it. So then I'm. Just a little frustrated with myself when that stuff happens, but I need to acknowledge, okay, you're going through something right now. This is okay. You will get back on track. You've proven it time and time again. You will get back on track. You just need a little bit of time. So things that I was doing besides the sleeping in is I wasn't doing the breath work and that's okay too. I was watching TV. I was kind of laying on the couch, just arresting. I was accepting help from other people. I wasn't super on top of the house work. You know, there, there were things that had to kind of give for a few days while I was navigating and going through the change that was happening. Spending time with my son, like making sure we did something special on his birthday to acknowledge that. Yes, you're an adult. We're so excited for you. We're so happy for you. I love him. So, so much obviously, or else this wouldn't be such a hard transition. Like he is. Everything to me. I, I just loved this boy so much in. I know that everything's going to be okay. Like he's going to do amazing things with his life. He just has such a big heart and he's so smart. And I just. I don't know. I'm just so incredibly proud of him. But anyway, spending time with him. Putting the focus on him. Making sure that I'm doing my basic things. Like, I was eating out a little bit more, you know, excited and want to make dinner. It's just, it's okay. If your routine is off a little bit, so just make sure that you are getting the rest that you need. You're doing some self care. So whatever that looks like for you, it could be journaling. It could be taking a walk. I wasn't about to go for a walk because it's been freezing outside and that's only making me. More frustrated. I'm like, I'm so sick of this weather. It is so cold. That's not helping, but anyways, if you were in warm or whether it's going for a walk, doing something outside, kind of getting grounded outside. Um, I did some meditating, listening to calming music, praying, things like that have been really helpful for me. Um, it can be helpful. You know for you. So it's just finding something that's relaxing. That's going to not drain your energy even more, but hopefully give you a little bit more energy or at least start to recover from everything that you're kind of been experiencing emotionally, because. The emotions. Oh my gosh. Very very draining, very tiring. But maybe for you, if you're not in that transition yet in life, any of those big moments coming up, this is your warning. Like if you work, maybe take a day or two off of work before any of these big moments honestly, For me, that would be helpful because I need that time to sit in those emotions to have those times where I can cry. I can be all in my fields, but some people don't respond well to that. So maybe working is a good distraction for you. You just have to kind of know yourself. Um, but if you're like me and you know, that you like to kind of, if not like, you know, that it's helpful for you to be in your fields and to get it all out, just express your emotions, not have to worry about anyone else or anything else. You could just focus on that. it speeds up the, the healing process, the recovery process for me from like those emotions. Cause I'm like, okay, I'm get it all out now. And I'll be fine. And after those big days, like after his birthday, I was okay. I'm like, this is it's the lead up. That is so hard. So it's those days before where just take the time for yourself, whatever that is, whatever you need to do, but make sure you're taking care of yourself. You're kind to yourself. It's a big transition in your life and it's okay. If you're sad. It's okay. If you're crying. Don't feel like what is wrong with me? Like I was feeling. It's it is a huge, huge deal that your child is making that transition from a child, a minor to an adult. They're essentially going to be responsible for themselves, but. Just so we know they're still going to need us. There are babies. They're always gonna want, you know, that, that connection with, with mom and dad and. It's just, it's hard for them to, to try to figure out how to be an adult. I remember what that was like for me. And. Just the kind of pushback, the crossing, the boundaries and all those things. Like, you're just trying to find your way as an adult and. It's all good though. Everything turned out okay. For me. I have all the faith in the world. Everything's going to turn out okay. For my son. And I feel the same for you guys. So. I guess the biggest thing is no, you're not alone in it. Where we all need to support each other as parents as we're going through this. So I'm sending you all, all the love. You got this. Cry when you need to take care of yourself. Be there be present, you know, do all the things, but awesome job raising them kiddos. You deserve a pat on your back. So, until next time I will follow up next week. I know I skipped last week because his birthday was on Wednesday. I've been trying to release these on Wednesday and I was like, I could do it. I could do it. And then Tuesday came and I was like, I can't do it. So I can't even record this. I'm gonna be crying the whole time. so it's been one of those weeks, but I just had to put an episode out about this life transition and. Raising your kids and taking them from childhood into adulthood and what that feels like. And. Offer some tips on how I got through it and how I'm getting through it and what can hopefully help you get through it too. But the biggest thing is you're not alone. All right. All right. Well, it's been fun, I didn't cry. I made it through. All right, I'll see you next week.