Landing Imperfect

ADHD and Alcohol: Quit Drinking with Jen Lander

• Jennifer Lander

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Today on the podcast 'Landing Imperfect',  I shared a personal story about my decision to quit alcohol. We explored the connection between ADHD and alcohol use, and why quitting can be so challenging. I emphasized the importance of finding your "why" for a sober life and surrounding yourself with a strong support system. Remember, recovery is a journey and asking for help is a sign of strength. Tune in to find strategies and inspiration for taking that first step toward a healthier, sober life. Let's do this together!

00:00 Sober nine months; overcame challenges, started podcast.
06:27 Alcohol's fleeting relief led to worsened symptoms.
07:23 To improve herself and model self-control.
12:00 Intentional movement, seek help, recovery journey possible.

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen.lander/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.butram/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jenniferlander9

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And alcohol was temporarily giving me some relief from all of those symptoms until it wasn't. And as quickly as it helped. It just as quickly worsened my symptoms. April 14th, 2024, I showed up alone to my son's basketball game, looking and feeling like complete garbage, bloodshot eyes, sunglasses on indoors, and a messy bun. The 13th started by celebrating at a friend's wedding with my husband and some close friends. We were having a blast. laughing, dancing the night away, and drinks were flowing. I wouldn't have predicted that the start of that day would have ended in such a mess. Um, it was one of the worst fights that I have ever had with my husband over something that wasn't even worth fighting over, and certainly a fight that would have never happened with a sober mind. I stranded my husband at the hotel in the middle of the night, Leaving him to figure out how he was going to get to our son's game in the morning. I woke up with complete regret, anxiety, and deep sadness over what had happened just hours before I had enough, the days that followed were hard to recover from. I cried every day, making a promise to myself that that would be the last time that I live my life. So completely out of control, hurting myself and the people that I love most. I spent years wanting to quit drinking alcohol, but. That night, something changed inside of me, and I'm proud to say, with a lot of work and support from friends and family, I have kept that promise. And it's been nine months since I took a sip of alcohol. Far from easy, but it's been worth every single sober day. So, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Jen Lander, a psychiatric nurse practitioner who started this podcast, Landing Imperfect, over a year ago, wanting to help people with their mental health struggles, perfectionistic traits, and developing a positive mindset. I abruptly stopped posting podcast episodes in September after taking a promotion at work and feeling very stressed. and very overwhelmed while I was adjusting to the new role. In the past, I would have just given up on restarting this podcast because historically, I've been an all or nothing black or white thinker. This gray area and feeling like a failure for falling short of my goal to post a podcast episode every week would have stopped me dead in my tracks. But, because we're all human, and there's no such thing as a perfect person, shocker, I know, but it's true, I'm committed to showing up for my community and proving that just because we fall off track doesn't mean that we have to give up on ourselves and our goals. So, I'm dedicating this episode to anyone who has fallen down and picked themselves back up. Today I want to talk about ADHD and alcohol and why it might be harder for someone with ADHD to quit drinking and what to do about it. So, I myself have ADHD and I'll be speaking from personal experience in this episode. Um, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects how the brain functions in areas like attention, behavior, and impulsivity. I'm going to bet by just hearing that brief sentence about ADHD, things are already starting to click about how that might be problematic for someone who has ADHD and chooses to drink alcohol. I want to note that challenges related to drinking alcohol don't only affect people with ADHD, but people who have ADHD may experience worsening ADHD symptoms related to their alcohol use. Anyone who drinks alcohol may choose to do that to cope with their anxiety. It could be depression, loneliness. low self esteem, those social pressures that we all know about, temptations, cravings, obsessive thoughts, lack of support, trauma, or day to day triggers. They may feel like they have to continue drinking to prevent or stop physical withdrawal symptoms, which can be severely uncomfortable. This makes it even more difficult to stay sober in those early days of recovery. Professional support may be necessary, so please open up to a health care professional, because chronic alcohol use can be deadly if it's stopped abruptly. And I can't stress that enough. Please, please ask for help. Um, I wasn't someone who drank every day. I mostly would drink on the weekends. There were several reasons why I chose to drink. So not only do I have ADHD, but I also am introverted and I'm married to an extrovert. So my husband is a very social person. And before I learned how to respect what my needs were as an introvert, I often overextended myself to keep up with my husband whose battery was being charged, being around others while my battery was being drained. Someone who's introverted uses a lot of energy to socialize. And if you add ADHD on top of that, I was exhausting myself trying to organize my thoughts and be as social as possible. Um, just being around friends and family without being, having, without having much time to recharge my battery. Um, because if you're introverted, You really need that time to decrease that stimulation and just be by yourself. Um, alcohol was this unhealthy tool that I was using to help myself loosen up and become more talkative in those social situations. People with ADHD often have imbalances in dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Dopamine is crucial for our motivation, reward pathways, and attention. So alcohol was, alcohol can initially Increased dopamine levels, which can give people a sense of pleasure and reward. So I'm sure you can see how appealing that would be to someone who has ADHD with a lower baseline level of dopamine. Alcohol can also temporarily increase serotonin levels and it can inhibit the release of norepinephrine. When this happens, um, It can make people feel more relaxed, more calm initially, and it can decrease anxiety. So I signed my ADHD self right up for all those initial feelings for years, because the sound of that is pretty darn good for someone who has ADHD symptoms. For me, my ADHD symptoms include anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation, process delays, processing delays, difficulty focusing, and listening when people are talking to me, daydreaming, procrastination, that's a big one, jumping from task to task without completing any of the tasks, and racing thoughts. And alcohol was temporarily giving me some relief from all of those symptoms until it wasn't. And as quickly as it helped. It just as quickly worsened my symptoms. So one night of fun would usually lead to three or four days of out of control ADHD symptoms. And I knew that one positive night equaled four negative days for me. I still chose the negative because the power of that positive effect had a strong hold on me. Until my why became stronger. I read this quote in a book called man's search for meeting, meaning recently. And it wasn't the author's quote, but he referenced it in a book. And I'm sure many of you have heard it before the quote is he who has a why to live for can bear almost anyhow. I fully believe in this quote. It is my why that keeps me from those social pressures or the temptations to drink. So everyone's why will look a little bit different, but my why is to be a better wife and a better mom. A wife who doesn't start fights with her husband because her brain's flooded with alcohol, or a mom who can be called anytime, day or night, to pick up my kids without worrying about having drink and not being able to pick them up or drive them around. Modeling self control to my kids and showing them that I can manage my mental health and healthy ways. I do this by putting in a lot of effort and learning and practicing healthy ways to cope with my anxiety, depression in the past and ADHD symptoms. My why also includes wanting to be fully present and clear minded at work and building up this podcast. My, um, My why is to heal and take care of myself so that I can mentor others and show them that they can also heal and be courageous and do really hard things. My why is this one life that I have to live. I want it to be bigger than my need to self sabotage myself any longer. Life can already be very challenging, um, at times, and I just got really sick of making things harder than they needed to be for temporary relief. I want Long term relief that I can achieve in a healthy ways. My why is so that I don't ruin this one life that I have by making impulsive decisions on a night that I'm just not thinking clearly enough. If you're in the same boat that I was in nine months ago, I hope that you take some time today and picture what your life could look like without alcohol. Find your why. Because once you got that locked in, you can bear the how that it's going to take to live a sober life. There's going to be challenges, and there's going to be temptations and sobriety, so it's good to find a good support system. That's going to be key. So surround yourself with sober people, people who support you, people who love you. I was so nervous to tell my friends that I used to drink with that I was no longer drinking because I was worried. That I wouldn't be fun to them anymore. Um, there are times where I do choose to not go to parties or gatherings if I'm not in a good mindset. This alone can feel isolating and it has been a challenge for me. The fear I had for years about being judged or not being accepted by friends if I stopped drinking is the piece that kept me drinking. Or it's not the whole piece, but it's a piece that kept me drinking even when I knew it wasn't a good choice for me. What I'm about to say isn't and won't be the case for everyone, but it will be for some and it was for me. Once I had the courage to tell my friends that I wasn't drinking anymore, I was met with a lot of support and I'm incredibly grateful for that. With that being said, don't be like me and let fear keep you in an unhealthy place because you just may be surprised by the love and support that you're going to find on the other end. If you don't have support from friends and family, because that's definitely not the case for everyone. You still don't have to go through this alone. And I want to encourage you to find support through support groups like AA, smart recovery. It could be a therapist, a coach. Maybe it's God and your church. Um, everyone's support will look a little bit different, but my point here is that there is support out there and it's. Likely not going to come to you, and if it doesn't, then you go to it. You find the support that you need because it is out there waiting for you. There's some additional resources that I will link in the show notes for anyone that's listening in the U. S., so take a peek at those if you're looking for a little bit more support. Um, not only is good support, like a good support team crucial for your recovery and sustaining sobriety, But it's also important to learn and to practice ways to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, and ADHD in healthy ways. So you can do this in many different ways. This may look like finding a hobby that you enjoy. I recently started learning how to make sourdough, so that's been a hobby of mine. It's been fun, but it's definitely been a challenge. Um, reading is another interest of mine. Practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques can be helpful. I have personally been using the sauna and I've been doing breath work daily to help improve my sleep, which has really been really helpful for me, reducing anxiety, reducing stress and getting enough sleep at night. Getting movement in every day is a great way to boost your mood. So the winter has been a little bit more challenging for me to get out and get some movement. So I have to be very intentional about. Moving my body during this time. If you have comorbidities that are an underlying cause of alcohol use, much like my ADHD and anxiety were for me, then I encourage you to find a professional who has experience working with substance use addictions and ADHD, or whatever the underlying mental health condition or concern is, if you are thinking about getting sober, I encourage you to take the first step today. Your recovery is possible, and I wish for your life to be blessed and free from the hold that alcohol or any other substances may have on it. There will be ups and downs. Recovery is a journey, and some days will be more challenging than others, but I believe in you, and I believe it's worth it. So be patient with yourself and be patient with those who are around you that are trying to get sober as well. We all deserve some compassion while we try to create new paths in our lives. Please share this episode with someone who you would like to see living their very best sober life. If this episode helped you, please Um, if you found it useful and you learned something from it and enjoyed it, then please consider writing a review on the podcast platform that you listen on. A sentence or two makes a huge difference in spreading this message to others. And also letting me know that, um, Um, you liked it and if you have any suggestions that you'd like me to know so that I can better help you or anyone else who may be listening. So I'm sending you so much love and I hope that you have the very best day and I'll see you next time on landing imperfect.

Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of landing imperfect. I truly appreciate you being a part of this community and sharing this journey with me. If you do want to connect further, then don't hesitate to follow me on Instagram at Jen dot Lander. I would love to hear your thoughts, any questions or any stories that you want to share.