Momming with ADHD, Perfectionism and Balancing Life

Hey everyone, welcome back to Landing Imperfect! In today's episode, "Momming with ADHD," I'm diving deep into the multifaceted challenges of balancing perfectionism, ADHD, and motherhood. I'll be sharing my personal journey, from being undiagnosed in my twenties to learning how to manage my ADHD effectively while raising my children.

I'll offer practical tips on breaking free from avoidance, setting realistic goals, practicing mindfulness, and building a supportive community. Whether it's creating daily routines, using planners, or simply learning to say no, I've got strategies to help you thrive. Tune in for an honest, heartfelt conversation aimed at helping moms manage ADHD and reduce burnout. Let's get started!

00:00 Moms with ADHD mask symptoms through avoidance.
04:17 Practice tips
07:57 Connect on Instagram, visit website for resources.

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Resources:
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https://landingimperfect.godaddysites.com/

Transcript

0:00

Now, if I know you, then your perfectionistic brain is going to push back the first few times that you say, no, it's going to feel really uncomfortable and you aren't going to feel very good at it. That's going to make you not want to do it, but do it anyways, because the only way that you're going to be able to get good at it is by practicing it. Hey guys, welcome back to landing imperfect today. I want to talk about a topic that many of us can relate to the struggle of balancing perfectionism, ADHD, and motherhood. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, burned out and like you're constantly trying to keep up, then this episodes for you. Let's start by acknowledging that feeling overwhelmed as a common experience with moms, with ADHD. So the constant juggle of responsibilities, the pressure to be perfect. And the challenges of managing ADHD symptoms can all contribute to feelings of stress and anxiety. I was undiagnosed and untreated with ADHD throughout my entire twenties. And looking back, I have so many examples of times when I was clearly struggling with being a mom and having untreated ADHD. Time management was a huge one. So getting myself to work on time while also getting my kids to school and ready on time. Or to daycare, whatever the case, holy smokes, that was such an unpleasant experience. And I know, you know what I'm talking about. Or trying to sustain my focus while helping my kids with their homework. Um, yeah, that was really, really hard. And I often felt like a complete failure. So I did a lot of avoiding when I could. I wish I would have had that awareness of what was happening because I was so hard on myself for being a young mom and unknowingly, struggling with ADHD. I honestly don't know how I managed to have babies to raise little ones, to maintain a healthy marriage. Take care of the household all while going to school and working. So it wasn't pretty in their worst sacrifices that were made. But it's somehow got done. I don't know how, but it got done. It's done. Um, one of the ways that moms with ADHD often mask their symptoms is through avoidance. So this can manifest in a variety of ways and it can look like this. So procrastination putting off tasks until the last minute to avoid feeling overwhelmed, which ultimately ends up making you feel overwhelmed, but let's go ahead and we'll just delay that feeling as long as possible, because that was my not so fun vibe for a very long time. Um, over committing. So taking on too much, hoping that by staying busy, you won't have time to think about ADHD symptoms. I often over committed and then dreaded when it was time to pay up because I was procrastinating so frequently and I didn't end up feeling prepared for the tasks that I was committed, committing to. Perfectionism. Striving for perfection to avoid feeling like a failure. People pleasing. So going out of your way to please others to avoid conflict or rejection, often sacrificing, sacrificing your own needs to meet the needs of other people. Now while avoidance may seem like a way to cope with ADHD, it can actually make symptoms worse. So it can lead to increased stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. To break free from that cycle of avoidance, it's important to identify what your triggers are and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Some strategies that can be helpful, um, are breaking down tasks into smaller ones, more manageable steps. Set realistic goals and expectations. Stop over-committing instead practicing, no learn to say no to things that are overwhelming or draining. The keyword here is practice. Now, if I know you, then your perfectionistic brain is going to push back the first few times that you say, no, it's going to feel really uncomfortable and you aren't going to feel very good at it. That's going to make you not want to do it, but do it anyways, because the only way that you're going to be able to get good at it is by practicing it. Repetition is going to be your friend here. Practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques. So try doing this on a regular basis, include it in your routine. Shoot for five minutes, a day, five minutes is enough time to benefit from the practice. If you have more time than please by all means. Practice that relaxation technique and mindfulness activities a little bit longer, if you can, but if we're being realistic here, then I know that finding time when you're raising little ones, isn't always feasible, but you can find five minutes, make it a non-negotiable. You can Google mindfulness activities and a long list of suggestions will pop up. So you can start there if you're not sure where to start. So pick one and practice it for a few days and then pick a different one. If you'd like some variety in your life. Some people who have ADHD like to pick one thing and use it repeatedly until they get completely sick and tired of it. And then they'll switch over to something else it's like picking your favorite meal and eating it every single day for the next two weeks, then getting bored with it and not wanting it again for a very long time. Um, something else that you can do is reach out for support from friends, family, let them know what's going on. In your life. So talk to them and maybe ask them for some advice, if it's someone that you trust and you know that they've been where you are or give good advice. Or maybe it would be a good idea to reach out to a therapist so this person can help you identify what your triggers are and help create a plan for managing them. Remember that it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes even though it sucks. It's okay. It's important to be kind to yourself and to take care of your mental and your emotional health by implementing these strategies that we're talking about here. You can learn to manage your ADHD symptoms, to reduce the burnout that you're experiencing and to thrive as a mom. Most importantly, if you don't have to be perfect, you're going to have days when the load feels heavier than other days. So give yourself some grace. Some other quick tips for moms with ADHD are create a routine. So having a daily routine can help you stay organized and reduce some stress. I use a planner or a digital calendar. This can help you keep track of the appointments that you have, any deadlines or tasks that need to be completed, set reminders. So use your phone or a computer to set reminders for important tasks or appointments, and then delegate tasks. So don't be afraid to ask for help from your partner, your family, and your friends. It takes a village sometimes. So make sure that you're asking for help. If you need it. Take breaks. So it's important to take breaks throughout the day to rest and recharge. Like I said, even if it's just for five minutes, Limit distractions. So try to create a distraction free environment when you need to focus and then find a support group. So connecting with other moms with ADHD, it can feel so good to be surrounded by other people who understand what you're going through and can offer support. Facebook can be a great place to find support groups, um, not the only place, but that is a great place. Um, if you're still struggling to manage your ADHD symptoms, then talk to your doctor about medications and see if that is potentially the right option for you. So, let me know if you try some of these things and if you found them helpful, shoot me a message on Instagram and we can chat it up there. And if you liked this episode, it would mean so, so much to me, if you gave the podcast a one to two sentence review, It makes a huge difference in getting this podcast out into the world. And I would forever be grateful and I hope you have a beautiful week and I will see you next week. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of landing imperfect. I truly appreciate you being a part of this community and sharing this journey with me. If you do want to connect further, then don't hesitate to follow me on Instagram at Jen dot Lander. I would love to hear your thoughts, any questions or any stories that you want to share. So, DME there, I also have a website. It's a landing and perfect website where I share a blog post about my podcast, and then you can join my email list. I have a PDF that provides anxiety and stress management tools that you can. And use as well when you join my email list. So check it out. My website will be linked in my show notes. So don't hesitate to reach