Overcoming Fears and Building Resilience: Insights from Keynote Speaker Mary Emmarco

Welcome to another enriching episode of Landing Imperfect! Today, we have an incredibly inspiring guest joining us—Mary Emmarco, an exceptional keynote speaker. 

In this episode, Mary delves into her fascinating journey of becoming a keynote speaker who empowers individuals to build resilience and actualize their dreams. She opens up about her personal struggles, including overcoming fears and negative core beliefs, and offers tangible advice on cultivating a resilient mindset and unwavering confidence.

We'll also discuss practical strategies for maintaining momentum during challenging times, the importance of having a strong "why," and the transformative power of coaching and mentorship. Stay tuned for this inspiring conversation that promises to leave you motivated and equipped to tackle your own challenges head-on. Let's get started!

00:00 Struggling with fears and self-doubt, overcoming.

03:51 Confronting fears is key to starting and continuing.

07:26 Finding the right support is essential.

11:36 Building belief, breaking barriers, and overcoming doubts.

13:18 Believe in self, face fears, find purpose.

18:38 Prioritize self-improvement over work, maintain balance.

19:42 Maintain compelling why, overcome doubts, find success.

23:14 Overcoming negative beliefs through self-awareness and persistence.

Follow Mary :
Website https://www.maryespeaks.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryespeaks/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mary.emmarco.5

Follow Jen:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen.lander/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennifer.butram/

Resources:
Landing Imperfect Website
https://landingimperfect.godaddysites.com/

Transcript

0:00

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of landing and perfect today. I'm excited to have a guest who I met in a rather unexpected way. A few months ago. We both through our hats in the ring for a speaking competition. And let's just say the energy in the room at this event was electric while neither one of us made it to the final round. I know it's hard to believe. Um, But something truly awesome came of it. So Mary here is absolutely. An infectious person with an amazing personality. And she has this incredible passion for what she does. I knew right away that I needed to connect with this inspiring woman. Mary is an incredible keynote. speaker. And she has built her business on helping people build resilience, which is a quality that I so admire and a lot of people, and it isn't always easy to come by. So she helps teach people how to build that resilience. And I'm so excited to have her on. So let's get started. Hi, Mary. I'm so glad to have you on the podcast today. So I just want to start by you telling us a little bit about your business and the speaking topics that you touch on. Cool. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. And yeah. Um, so I speak about resilience. I'm really passionate about that, uh, helping people keep going and helping them to, um, really step into their mission and to start actualizing their dream that's on their heart, their business, that they have this calling on their heart. They want to solve a problem. They really want to help people. They really want to have that freedom as well. And then They want to make it real. They want to start getting paid, but they are frustrated and they don't know what to do about it. So really help them to keep going. And when, and then it's really triggering to run a business too. Like you have to face all your fears of success and failure and rejection and the unknown and imposter syndrome. It's a lot. So it's a really challenging and it feels like a lonely time. So to have that support, to have somebody in your corner, to really help you to build that resilience. So no, you can keep going. I think it's a really powerful thing. And so I love to speak about that. So that's what I speak on. Yeah, that's amazing. I love that so much. So for your speaking engagements, um, is there a certain location that you go to, or you'll go anywhere and speak about this topic? Oh, yeah, I'll go anywhere. That's awesome. Yeah. So needed. I mean, especially like resilience, because it is a skill, like not everyone has that, you know, so just to be able to keep going when, when things get tough is not always easy. And like you're saying, rejection, I think that's a really tough thing to kind of face and a big fear that a lot of people have, which is something that I'm kind of wondering for you did you have any fears, when you wanted to start this business, Uh, it's more like what fears didn't I have? Um, uh, yeah, for sure. Like, can I do it? Well, that was a huge, huge thing, like the fear of not being enough is, it's a human thing, but I really struggled with feeling of worthlessness and growing up with that. And, um, so to think that I could actually do something like this, that I, you know, most people fail at and all this, all the statistics are against you. And so it's like, who am I to think I could do that? So that was a huge, uh, thing to work through. And then. Feeling like money is evil and selling's evil and just afraid of, like, who I would be if I was a person that sold and I had to work through that. And then, I'm not qualified. Like, who can I actually help? Like, okay, I got this certification and I helped some people for free, but, I'm a mess. So a lot to work through and then fear of success and either becoming a terrible person or being rejected for my sisters. And they're really my only family. So it was so much to go through and, um, I think that's one of the major things that are stopping people is their fears and it comes in the form of excuses a lot of times, and just being real with yourself about your fears I think is a really powerful thing to just help you start and to help you keep going. So. Along the way a lot of fears that I had to consistently address and realize. Oh, I'm procrastinating. What's really going on? Like I'm not doing the things or took me a long time to realize I was doing a ton of busy work Which is just fears of not actually putting myself out there when I was starting out, especially Sometimes I can get into it. I can recognize the pattern a lot faster but it was a long time of constant busy work before I was like Like someone had to tell me um, I think it was a seminar or something. They're like, yeah, are you doing work that will actually serve clients? Are you just doing busy work? I was like, Oh, that's me. So there's a lot going into it. Fears are a huge, huge component and, uh, recognizing and normalizing it. It's a thing to be consistently recognizing and working through is a powerful thing to kind of, and then to start, I think having a powerful reason why that's beyond yourself. Tapping into that and then reminding yourself of it. I think that's really powerful for starting and for keeping going. And then your belief in yourself as well. I think that's a huge, huge thing. I was sitting down and thinking about what things really helped me keep going. And. Start and everything. And those, like those things were really powerful. Definitely. I mean, I think those fears that you're just naming are so relatable to a lot of people and it prevents people from getting started. Um, but it's so funny when you were talking about the busy work, I swear I've said this like five times already this week when people are asking me, what are you, like, what have you been up to? I'm like, I'm so busy, so busy, but it's like, what am I doing so I'm like, that awareness that, okay, like, yeah, you are busy. Sure. But is it things that are moving the needle? So I think that awareness is so important and I'm glad that you brought that up so the time that you decided that you wanted to start your business at the time that you actually launched your business, I know things that you had just mentioned about, um, Just having like accountability and support like who do you reach out to like who are the people that you lean on for supporter to hold you accountable like where do you find the people. So that's actually really challenging I know it's not really accessible to everybody but coaches and mentors. Uh, really powerful for me and even I noticed, so I feel like if I told myself the story that I couldn't afford one, but then realizing all the stuff I was buying on Amazon that I didn't need and like all this kind of stuff and like extra purchases on Walmart that were unnecessary. So if you're in that boat, you can probably find the money to invest in this. So this is really important to, um, cause there is really nothing like it just. her belief in me and her support and her helping me decide because I worked on a belief in myself but I would go back and forth between I think this crushing doubt I had all this evidence I couldn't do it and then I have to try to build myself up no you can do it like remember like what you know I'm like no you can't do it and the doubt was getting stronger and stronger. But she helped me make a decision that like, I'm going to go until and I'm going to make this happen. I'm going to get paid to do this thing that I love and it's going to happen. So that was a powerful shift that a coach helped me. Um, so I would say doing YouTubes and books and podcasts, if you don't have that and then in Facebook groups, I think it can be kind of a challenge to find, but there's a lot of people looking for accountability partners, but knowing that it may take a few, um, There are a bunch of tries to get someone who's actually going to show up for it. I've found that sometimes people say they're going to show up for, uh, things like accountability and they don't always do. So trying to find a match with a partner if you really need to go the free route, but being honest with yourself. As far as like, if you're going to make this a priority, if you can find a way to kind of find the money to invest in a coach, a mentor who has testimonials and also matches you on an energetic levels, a really powerful support system to help you get started and to keep going. So I would say for sure, love those suggestions because it's both like, if you have the financial means, then definitely coaching is a great option. And then the free resources to I feel like when I think about social media, I'm kind of like, sometimes I go to the negative side of social media and, uh, I'm like, this is actually a really powerful resource if you're using it effectively, you know? So finding those supports, like the support groups, like you're saying on Facebook but yeah, I mean there's so many free resources, YouTube, podcasting, you know, PO podcasting, like what we're doing right now, like you're listening right now. So kudos to you. Great job, it's a cool place to be. I like YouTube better if you have to, if you wanna like actually learn from people and get inspired and kind of like really reignite your belief and get some tools and tips and stuff. Because I feel like with the other socials, the negative side with you can get sucked in and it gets. For me, anyway, more intense with the addiction side of things to the scrolling and this and that with the other ones. But YouTube, I can like go there and just learn things and get my notebook out and like just, and I can leave without like so much willpower. Um, so yeah, if you want to lean towards one of them, I think YouTube is a great. That's a great idea. Uh, because that infinite scroll, I mean, you could just go on and on and I catch myself sometimes where I'm going on for something specific and then something catches my eye and then 10 hours later. I'm like, Oh, what am I still doing? Yeah, I put the timers on. Oh, timers are great too. I love that. Yes. I have it in the app too. I didn't know that. So it actually like interrupts your scroll. Yeah. I didn't know that, but Facebook and Instagram, I have them both. Even if I snooze them, I'm still on there way less time than if I had nothing on there. So highly recommend that one as well. I love it. That's awesome. What are some ways that people can build resilience and confidence? Cause I know obviously the confidence comes within time, but do you have anything that you typically will suggest in your keynotes or something that can help people build that resilience and confidence? Yeah, um, I think they can go along with each other. The confidence, like probably a lot of people say, and like you were kind of alluding to, like it really does come, you do it and then you gain better confidence and you kind of tell your nervous system and body like, hey, this is safe and I can do it and without dying and it's okay. And then also you literally build your skills and get better at it. But I think there's another piece to confidence and it also goes in with. Helping you keep going and having that resilience Part of that I think is confidence. They really sat down and when I was writing my main signature talk I was like what really helped me keep going and I was mentioning earlier about like beliefs and fears and um a strong reason beyond yourself. So those are the three main things and there's other ways, so I think confidence is part of the building resilience and keeping going. So with building the confidence, I feel like we're kind of born with it, but we have these traumas and we have these experiences that, teach us or prove to us that we can't do things and we're not a capable person or, you know, sometimes worse. Like, I really struggled with feelings of worthlessness. I grew up believing that. I heard that from my dad all the time. And so instead of necessarily trying to build it, I think first breaking down the evidence that you have that you can't do something or that you can't figure it out. So like you get better by doing and you get the confidence, but in building the ability and the belief that you can figure it out and that you can get better and that you can build the skills, what's in the way of that? And kind of. Breaking down what's in the way of that. Like, Oh, well, I'm worthless because I heard it all my life and my dad said it. So it's like, probably true. And then it's like, well, is that true? And kind of really questioning that? Like, well, no, he had schizophrenia. He had this severe mental illness. He had all this rage and he was abused and he's taking his stuff out on me. And, you know, so then it's like, does it make sense? And it's like, I lost all these jobs and I, um, I don't know. I failed a test in school and almost didn't graduate and then I'm like stupid and I'm incapable of doing things. It's like, well, I believed I couldn't do it. So that became true. So it's like, how is that any evidence? So when you start to break apart all this evidence and actually like write out and name the things, what makes me think I can't do it and like write it out and look for all the things and just name all the things that pop up and then kind of BS, like break those things apart. Like, does this necessarily mean that? And if you're too close to it, you can ask it. If somebody else had this list, would you think it meant that they can't do these things or they can't figure them out? So I think that's a really powerful way to kind of release the constraints. You have the things in the way of you actually being able to build the confidence. And then it allows it to flow much better, and then you can more readily tell yourself or take in the information when people say you can do it. And, whether the podcasts and the books or you telling yourself, you can more easily believe it when that kind of stuff is at least true. out of the way. I mean, it's like a work in progress to remind yourself because doubts come up all the time and stuff like that. But, I think that's a powerful thing. And I think when you believe in yourself and your ability to figure out whatever it is, I'll find a way, I'll get through this, I'm strong, I'm capable, or building the resilience in that and having the confidence in yourself in that respect and then, I'm going to do this because I'm going to go until I'm going to figure it out. Your fears are a huge thing. So really continually addressing them and realizing them and. Being okay with them and kind of creating safety along the way with it. Like, you know, I'm, this isn't gonna kill me, even though it feels incredibly painful and I can handle this and you know, it really goes hand in hand with the beliefs and stuff too. And then like a reason beyond yourself to keep going on either your mission or like just in life in general. Whether people that are counting on you in this business mission that you're gonna serve, that are like past you, that you're gonna help and really transform their lives, and they're going to be counting on you. Or you're gonna this safety net of like money for your kids, or you're gonna have this money to build this beautiful foundation to make a huge impact on these people's lives, something beyond yourself to keep you going through really hard challenging life and hard challenging road to going after this mission of yours. So I think those are powerful resilience building. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you're just speaking straight to me. I mean, like what I think about when you're saying this. So I feel like for many people, it starts with the why, like everyone has a goal or they have something that they want to accomplish or do in life. So figuring out what your why is like, why do you want to do that? You know, what does that mean to you? And then not stopping there because like you're describing, there's a lot of feeling that comes along with it too. So what really pushes people through is the feeling, like, how do I want to feel once I accomplish this? But. To get to that, you have to kind of back up like take a few steps back and see like what's preventing you from doing that and looking into maybe some people it's childhood trauma or it's even just doesn't even have to be trauma. But having some accountability and some skin in the game to where like you're saying people are counting on you to So, you know, deliver what you're saying that you're going to deliver. And I just think that that's really great. And I think that that's helped me along the way too, and the work that I've done, to get to where I am too. So I think that, like you're saying, it really is powerful to look at those things and just build resilience that way. So that's great. I love that. So I think I know what you're going to say to this, but I just want to be very clear. Do you feel like someone's mindset is really preventing them from starting building their business? Yes, I for sure. Yeah. You probably guessed, right. I'm sure that's what you thought I was going to say. Um, I know from personal experience and I did invest in all these courses. I did like a bunch of free stuff and then I started investing heavily money into all these seminars and coaches and everything. So I had all the skills and I had multiple ways of being able to get these outcome, like actually serve these paying clients. Initially I was doing one on one coaching. Now I'm focusing on speaking, but like I had all the actual resources to do it and the support and everything. But until I got honest about my mindset stuff, I mean, three and a half years to serve a paying client. Some people may relate, but most people are usually like, whoa, or anywhere in between that. But it was a lot. And then took me like three years to be like, no mindset has to be a consistent focus. And I love what my one coach said. I found this one like beautiful match coach and really powerful, um, help that she. Provided for me, but she was like, mindset is your full time job. Your business is your side hustle. And I thought that was so cool because it's so true because all the fears, all the humanness, I mean, to build something and to start it and to go after it. It's really like, it's against our humanness or like our basic, natural instincts of survival and comfort and steadiness. So like the unknown and like, and like I said, the fears of rejection and the failure and the unknown and success and putting ourselves out there and not being accepted in the, you know, belonging in the tribe, ancient survival stuff. So it's really, really challenging. So it's a huge thing. And on top of that, there's, um, chat, GBT and YouTube and all these free resources on many ways, different people were able to succeed at the thing you want to succeed at or free, you can get these things. So the mindset is like the huge. differentiator between like you have all these resources and actually being able to apply them on a consistent basis. So yes, I very much think that mindset is a huge component and strategy definitely is important. Like it's not something to be ignored, but it's more readily available and mindset is more personal and challenging and hard. You have to get ask yourself the hard questions and yeah, so it's more. Challenging. I love the way this, the quote that you had just said. It was your full time job is your mindset. And then your side hustle is your business. Is that what it was? Yeah. But one of my favorite quotes is Work harder on yourself than you do on your job, which that's something that I live by because obviously if you are in a good place and you're healthy and happy with where you are in life, then it's going to show in every other area of your life, you know, but some people will try it. They're all in everything into their job, but then at the end of the day, it's like, you still have to go home to yourself, you know, and it's if people can break through and really put that, um, time in and work into the, their selves, but I love that. That was just a different way of kind of looking at it, but kind of saying the same thing, but I love that. Um, so For me, I think this is something and I think it's pretty relatable for a lot of people when you get into that dip. So when you're starting something and it's so exciting at first and you have all this adrenaline and motivation to keep going, but when it gets tough and there's a dip because there's pretty much always going to be a dip. I have not talked to anyone who there's, there's not been a dip or a loss in like momentum and what they're doing. What do you think could be helpful for those people to keep going? I mean, I think the stuff that we were talking about, like having that compelling why and consistently working on your fears and, making that decision, like you believe in yourself, but then making a decision, like, I'm going to go until I like mentioned that, but that's a really powerful shift there because then it, it kind of quiets the doubts because the doubts will come in and it's like, Yeah, but I already made this full on decision that I'm going to go until so that's powerful. And I think reminding yourself of your why because I remember I tapped into a powerful why but then I didn't read it and then life happened and doubts and Failures and showing up consistently and nothing like not even prospective clients on the horizon, like just so frustrating, just nonstop continuing to go with no results or no, like hope of anything happening ever and just massive amounts of time and energy and I'm like, I'm trying everything and I'm paying all the money and doing all the things. I tried everything and I told myself, so it was a lot. It was really frustrating. So definitely the powerful why had like many breakdowns when I wasn't reminding myself of that why, but then I thankfully would remember it when I really started reading every day. I think that's a really powerful thing. And then, yeah, your mindset at the forefront and recognizing it's a thing and then normalizing that process, I think is a really powerful thing to remember. Like, it's not like you only see like the good stuff on socials. Like you don't see all the back end stuff or the years of learning and pain and people thankfully are open about that. They had breakdowns too. I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm not the only one like crying kids and breakdowns and stuff along the way. Like it's really hard. So. Um, normalizing and telling yourself, reminding yourself that it's hard and it's a process and doesn't mean I'm screwed up, incapable, doing anything wrong if it's taking a long time and if it's really hard and just because I'm showing up knowing that there's like a, I was googling and it was like a, Longer than I thought, because my coach initially told me that it should take about like three months to start getting traction, maybe six months of like consistently showing up. But Google was saying, I think like 12 months for marketing to start really working. So I think it just takes a lot longer because you hear like, you know, 10k in 90 days, but maybe that's their fifth business. You know, or maybe they grew up with business owners and maybe they don't have the traumas that you have, or maybe they don't have the mindset hangups and selling and, and, and any, and, and, you know, the insecurities that you have, like whatever kind of thing. So just, um, normalizing that it's hard. And just because you're seeing it look and feel easy for other people doesn't mean they're not struggling to, um, I think that could help with the keep going so just to give an example of what I have been dealing with just on topic of what we're talking about here is. It was almost a year ago. I think in September I had bought a course on building digital courses. It was an Amy Porterfield course. So I bought this course and I'm like, I'm going to build a digital course, and it took, I'm like, okay, well, I don't even know what I want to talk about. Like, what is the course going to be on? You know? So it took me a while to figure out like what I even wanted to do. And I've been saying, I'm going to build a course since then. So it's almost been a year and I have not built this dang course yet. So I keep saying, I'm going to build, I'm going to build it. So I've been telling people recently, like, I know why I haven't built it. It's because of the tech. Like, I'm just, I'm no good at tech. I suck at tech. That is so surface level. That is not the, like, yes, it's going to be challenging and it's going to be hard, but that is so surface that is not, that is not what's holding me back. A big thing is I have this. Negative core belief that I'm not smart enough. That has been mine for so long, like back to childhood, you know, that has been a story that I've told myself for so long. Um, so that's something having that awareness of what your negative core belief is, is so important to keep working through and like, I'm telling, like I'm saying right now, even though I know what that is, it's just, you consistently have to put in the work to work through, like, trying to rebuild or just break it down, you know, rebuild what that negative core belief is into a more positive belief, because That's just to give perspective to people like this has been almost 12, 12 months of me like talking about this dang course and I still haven't built it, but I am going to build it. I will build it and I am soaring enough. So just so people know that this is, this is very common and it's very relatable for anyone. I mean, I'm a psychiatric nurse practitioner. I am very passionate about mental health. I think mindset is a huge thing, you know, so even professionals or anyone who's high achieving, there's so many people out there who are just struggling with very, very common things. So to feel not good enough, I think it is relatable, but you, you are good enough. You are very much anyone who's listening to this. You have a goal, you have something that you want to do. You absolutely are good enough. Mary, you are good enough. We are all good enough. I think that you have offered so many valuable tips. to people to try to work through those things. You're an incredible speaker. Um, so tell us where people can find you and, you know, if they want to work with you, if they want to book you, like, let us know where we can connect with you. Awesome. Yeah. Um, you can go to my Instagram. Mary E. Speaks. It's M A R Y E, like Eric, um, speaks. com. Oh, sorry. That's, uh, dot com's my website. M A R Y E speaks dot com is my website if you want to check it out and, um, book a conversation with me if you can speak about, if you want to. Think about hiring me to speak and, um, you could DM me on social. So I G is just at Mary E speaks that, uh, yeah, I don't know. I keep saying that. That's okay. Cause I'll put, I'll put it in the show notes too. Then Facebook is Mary E Marco E M M A R C O is my last name. And yeah, either one of those, you can DM me and check me out check Mary out. She's incredible. She's amazing. You, you truly are, and you're going to help so many people. I love your energy and just being able to be in your presence. It's just so powerful and so great. And I appreciate you so much. Um, before we go though, I like to ask just some fun questions. So what is your favorite quote? Well, I like that mindset one that we talked about, but actually I like the one, um, it's not the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. I love that one too. That is so good. And what's your favorite book? Um, so it's challenging because I really love a lot of books, but I'm pretty sure. So when I always go back to, uh, psycho cybernetics, it's, um, Maxwell malts. It's like, I feel so empowered and it's so incredible. Every time I read it really teaches you the power of the unconscious and that how we can use it and it's not that, you know, we're not enough. It's just that we're just using our programming wrong. We're programming in like a failure mechanism and we could just set it up for success. It's just really cool the way he does that. And then he's got this powerful thing on forgiveness and I've never heard anybody say before, uh, forgiveness, like, some hard truths. you want to feel morally superior, so maybe you're holding on to resentment and not, uh, forgiving. And then, um, knowing that they're doing their best, um, always, so they never really deserve to be condoned for what they did in the first place. It's like, but yeah, it really is powerful and true and helped me really. I tapped into forgiveness and kind of let go of some of my past stuff. And yeah, so powerful. I'm going to check that out because I love, I just love when someone recommends a book, especially if it's touched their lives the way that you're, I mean, you're speaking very passionately about it. I'm like, I got to read this book. So thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Okay. So thank you so much, Mary. I appreciate you and give her a follow check her website at website. I can talk website out. She's an amazing person. Amazing speaker. So I hope everyone has an incredible week weekend whenever you're listening to this and I will see you next week. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of landing imperfect. I truly appreciate you being a part of this community and sharing this journey with me. If you do want to connect further, then don't hesitate to follow me on Instagram at Jen dot Lander. I would love to hear your thoughts, any questions or any stories that you want to share. So, DME there, I also have a website. It's a landing and perfect website where I share a blog post about my podcast, and then you can join my email list. I have a PDF that provides anxiety and stress management tools that you can. And use as well when you join my email list. So check it out. My website will be linked in my show notes. So don't hesitate to reach