The "Perfect" Myth: Releasing Yourself from the Burden of Perfectionism

In today's episode we discuss perfectionism and how to recover from this daunting and extremely exhausting trait. 

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Transcript

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there's nothing about you that is not good enough. You are good enough because you are you. And that it's just as simple as that. Happy Wednesday guys, or if you're listening to this at a different time, wherever you found this episode, whatever day and time, happy whatever day it is. This is Laning Imperfect. I'm your host Jen Lander. I'm a psychiatric nurse practitioner and I wanted to talk to you guys today about perfectionism. I am a recovering Perfectionist. I won't say fully recovered. There are days and times where I still will default to this type of mindset. And I have to be very intentional about what I'm doing. So the goal here is this is a very brief episode, but we're going to get into it. come up with ways that things that I have personally tried to help, um, decrease some of that overwhelming, daunting, feel trap and exhausted perfectionism. Cause that crap is not fun. And if you're listening to this and you're a perfectionist, you know exactly what I'm talking about. So we're going to try to break this down a little bit. Um, so. Perfectionism, it's not just about wanting to do well. Perfectionism is the belief that anything less than perfect is a failure. So imagine your brain as a sculptor's studio. In someone's healthy mind that isn't struggling with perfectionism, the goal is to create a beautiful sculpture, but flaws are seen as opportunities for improvement. But in a perfectionist's a perfectionist's mind, the slightest imperfection is a reason to smash the sculpture and start all over again. So it's not, we're not, you know, we're not looking for, oh my gosh, this is imperfect, like imperfect, you know, oh, look at this beautiful opportunity and this flaw here. I could turn this into, you know, Something else unique, you know, about the, about the sculpture. Nope. It is, this is trash. I can't stand it and I'm throwing it on the floor and we're, we're starting from scratch, brand new. There's been many times in my life where I mean, I'm not a sculptor, like, I, I would love to be an artist, and people who have ADHD are very, um, very creative. I have ADHD, so I know that there's a creative side to me. My mom also has ADHD, and she is such a great artist. But I, that, somehow that, like, skipped me. I don't know. I can, I can draw stick figures, and I don't even think those are that great. So, anyways. I'm totally going on, I'm going off script here. But I, my whole point is I've had periods in my life where, especially writing something, whether it's a homework assignment or typing something up where I'm like, this is trash. And like, I don't just start from where I am or try to fix it while I'm reading through. It's like, nope, I'm starting all over again. And I have absolutely, especially through middle school, high school. even elementary, where I would just get so ticked off because I'm like, this is not good. This is so trash. And I would rip, rip up whatever I was working on, which that's also very discouraging. I mean, It's just to be so hard on yourself, you know, and feel like what you're doing is a failure is, it's just so discouraging. And I don't want anyone to feel that way. I certainly don't like to feel that way. And I don't like that anyone else is feeling that way. So we are sticking together. We're our people, and we're just going to figure out the ways that can help us navigate through this. Because the constant striving. can have serious consequences. It can cause anxiety, depression, and even social isolation. Um, I mean, those are all common things that we see with people who struggle with perfectionism. Anxiety has been a big part of my life and something that I have worked very hard to overcome. And I am pleased to say that I'm in a much better place when it comes to anxiety, because I very intentionally found ways to help decrease that anxiety. And that's my goal, is to help you guys find those, those things as well. Um, so there's a couple things that we could do. So, number one, I want you to challenge your inner critic. Cause you know that thing is loud as heck. So that voice in your head, um, it, like, it's not even whispering. It's pretty much yelling at you that you're not good enough. Challenge its authority. Would you talk to a friend that way? Unless you're a pretty crappy friend, which I really doubt that. There's no way that you're telling your friend that they're not good enough. I mean, that's not a friend, right? So talk to yourself the way that you would talk to a friend. And I'm here to tell you. You know, you, you absolutely are good enough. There's, there's nothing about you that is not good enough. You are good enough because you are you. And that it's just as simple as that. So remind yourself of this and give yourself some self compassion because that's crucial to, to progress. Two, I want you to embrace the power of good enough. So instead of aiming for that non existent perfect, Set realistic, achievable goals. So think of it like climbing a mountain, reaching the base camp is still a success, even if the summit is miles away. So celebrate the little wins along the way. And that's the next thing I want you to celebrate the journey. It's not the destination. It's something that I've said multiple times in the past, celebrate the journey. Perfectionism focuses solely on the final product. So learn to appreciate. The learning and growth that happens along the way. So this might even sound annoying or frustrating if you're someone very heavily into perfectionism and you're just beginning your journey on this. I understand. I understand that it can feel very annoying and maybe even a little invalidating when I'm just saying, Oh, you know, celebrate the little wins along the way. Well, I still want you to do it because I have done it and I know that it's helpful and I have helped people do the same thing. Even when they were in the same place where they're like, this is stupid, this isn't going to work. Yeah. You, you would be surprised. So please incorporate this. I have done since, gosh, I think it's been November. Every week, I have a list of things that I'm celebrating, like big wins and small wins. And you better believe, I've made it a habit of weekly celebrating small wins. And I've said this before too, I'm not up there, you know, throwing myself a big freakin party and having like cake and ice cream every week celebrating this. If you want to do that, absolutely, I'm all for it. But it doesn't have to be that, is what I'm saying. It is just a It can be as simple as a little, you know, you know, it's a pat on the back, like, good job. Acknowledge and say, yes, this was a good job. I'm celebrating this win, big or small. Um, and then there's a quick exercise that you can try to, to challenge your inner critic that I want you to try. And you're going to need a piece of paper and a pen for this. So if you're driving, just try to come back to this later. But if you're not, then, um, I want you to write down, you can even think through this too, but it's always better to write it down on paper because it brings clarity. So write down a recent situation where your inner critic went into overdrive. Now, imagine a wise and compassionate friend responding to you in that situation. What would they say? Write down their message of encouragement and self compassion. So it's taking you out of it right now, like your kind of thoughts, and it's replacing it with, what would a friend tell me right now? So that you can kind of get out of your head and you're breaking up that inner critic and Thinking about someone else, like what would they say to me in this situation? Because that can be very encouraging. So after that exercise, I mean, you can even take it a step further and call a friend and see what they would actually say to you, you know, cause I'm sure it's not, you're a piece of crap and you're not good enough. And like I said, if you are getting that message from someone that you think is a friend, then you need to kick them to the curb because that is not a friend. Okay. Um, but I would even, like I said, Give them a call and see what they would say for a little extra boost of encouragement. Um, but it is progress, not perfection. Okay. I hope you have a beautiful week and I will see you next week. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of landing imperfect. I truly appreciate you being a part of this community and sharing this journey with me. If you do want to connect further, then don't hesitate to follow me on Instagram at Jen dot Lander. I would love to hear your thoughts, any questions or any stories that you want to share. So, DME there, I also have a website. It's a landing and perfect website where I share a blog post about my podcast, and then you can join my email list. I have a PDF that provides anxiety and stress management tools that you can. And use as well when you join my email list. So check it out. My website will be linked in my show notes. So don't hesitate to reach